Me Before You

There’s been a lot of talk lately in the disabled world about Me Before You. Personally, I have blocked the promotion of it from appearing on my social media sites and have no intention on having anything to do with the movie or book but I thought I would explain why.

I’ve been in a wheelchair since I was too big to be in a stroller. I’ve overcome literally thousands of obstacles in my life.

I can’t say that suicide hasn’t ever crossed my mind. However, I can say none of the times I’ve thought about it had anything to do with me being disabled.

Since I was a child I’ve had able-bodied people ask me how I do it. I’ve been told people would rather be dead than be in my shoes. I’ve been told by several people if they were me they would have killed themselves a long time ago.

I usually respond with, “So what was I just supposed to kill myself the moment I popped out? Been like fuck this I’m done? No? I didn’t think so.”

This is the only life I’ve ever known and despite popular belief there isn’t anything I would change about it.

Is disabled really the worst thing in the world?

For me it’s not. Having Spina Bifida and Chiari makes me different. That’s obvious, but most of my problems are able-bodied people not wanting to let me live my life.

I’ve spent my life proving I am worthy of living and I’m tired of it. Able-bodied people seem to think that because my legs don’t work that my brain somehow is completely incompetent and that just isn’t the case.

I’ve written before about how I grew up in an able-bodied world. I was always told by those around me that I would never be anything important. People filled me with thoughts of self-doubt from an early age because of my disabilities.

I overcame that because I believed in myself and because there were people who believed in me.

I live on my own.

I pay all my own bills.

I was married for 8 years.

I single-handedly moved half way across the country. In my wheelchair, with everything I owned, my cat and my dog, on a plane.

I attended normal school and college with my peers and had good grades and yet I was continually challenged and held to higher standards than everyone else simply because people saw my wheelchair before they saw me. I felt like I couldn’t show any weakness because if any inkling of me not being able to do it was seen, it would give them a reason to knock me off the mountain I was already climbing.

I’m writing my first young adult book series with plans on more to follow.

My life is full of love and happiness. If I had ended it all or if my mother had ended her pregnancy, I wouldn’t have any of this. Yes my life is hard, but it is worth living and would have been so much easier without all of these ableist views.

I’ve been yelled at, called names and even threatened for not wanting help by able-bodied people, even when that help could have killed me. I was never asked if I needed help. It was simply assumed that because I am in a wheelchair I need help and I was just labeled as a bitch or the angry girl in the wheelchair for saying I had things under control.

My friends know when I need help I say something. I let them know when I’m having a bad Chiari day and when I need a few extra minutes to do something. They see the person beyond the chair and they’re grateful they have me as much as I’m grateful I have them.

My friends don’t pity me or my life. They love me for who I am.

Media portrayals of disability as a burden are just helping these beliefs to continue. It needs to stop. People with disabilities are just as capable of living fulfilling lives as able-bodied people. Yeah we do things differently, but that doesn’t mean we can’t do them or that we deserve to be silenced and eliminated.

Me Before You seems to promote the idea that because he is disabled he’s putting her out in some way by being in love with her. She deserves better.

Why isn’t he enough, or more importantly, why doesn’t he feel like he is enough?

What was so horrible about his life that he felt like he needed to end it? He traveled, he had love. Those are things most people want their entire lives.

His condition wasn’t life threatening. There was no reason he couldn’t have lived a normal lifespan. But he chose to end it.

The fact is he wanted to die because he was in a wheelchair. He didn’t want to live being disabled. Being dead was better than being in a wheelchair.

If he was able-bodied and had killed himself wouldn’t able-bodied people be speaking up? When able-bodied people kill themselves you’ll hear people say they don’t understand why they did it or how sad it is they died so young.

Why does being disabled change that mentality? It shouldn’t but it does because society views being disabled as the worst possible thing you can be.

Is being disabled really worse than being an abuser? A rapist? A murder? I can think of a million things worse than being disabled.

Yes, this movie (and the book) is a fictional story, but the mentality is real. The desire for disabled people to sit down and be quiet is there and it is growing.

I will forever fight to show there are far worse things you can be than disabled.